How to Talk to Your Cousins About Politics

So I came up with this idea- "How to talk to your cousins about politics" and i thought, "Oh that's a good title!"

But...yeah.

I rarely talk to my cousins about politics. On either side of the family.

I wish I could.

With relatives spread out from northern Alberta to the B.C. coast to the Maritimes to the U.S., and with the older generation all gone, I rarely see my cousins face to face. But we are connected through social media and I love seeing that this little cousin is an amazing skier, this one won a figure skating medal, this one just got a driver's licence and this one has a new horse and the other one is a fantastic baker and this bunch ran an impressive cross-country race and this one just moved to another province. It keeps me connected with people I almost never see. It keeps my ties with our shared history alive.

But as far as politics goes? That is more complicated.

There are a handful that I see eye-to-eye with. Ironically or perhaps not, the ones closest to me in age who were also closest to me growing up are the ones I tend to agree with the most. But then there are the others.

I know some of them stopped following me on Facebook after an election campaign a few years ago. If they didn't ditch me then, they for sure did after the following election.  Or maybe I stopped following them. Let's just say things were seen that cannot be unseen. Things were said that cannot be taken back. Like the cousin who threatened to go to a neighbour's house and burn an offending lawn sign to the ground. How can I not help but wonder-had we lived in the same town- would he have come to my house and burned the same sign on my lawn?

So- even if we didn't stop following each other, for the most part we have an unstated agreement that we won't talk about these differences of opinion. We'll just go on pretending they don't exist. Which is hard for me as someone who cares about facts and truth and whose whole work life has been dedicated to teaching.

So when one cousin said, "What does our elected leader know, he was just a teacher?" That's a tough one to ignore. My grandmother was a teacher and so were aunts, great aunts, uncles, other cousins, my husband, my son-in-law...and me. I know teachers are highly organized, hardworking, compassionate, and intelligent. They have worked with people of all ages and in all walks of life. How can anyone say a teacher couldn't have the skills to lead? 

And there's the rub. That grandmother. Those and aunts and uncles. That DNA that makes me loathe to cut off my own flesh and blood. No matter what I believe to be true.

No, I don't agree with my cousins on a lot of things. But we are still family. I care about my relatives even when I don't agree with them. The relationship I have with my cousins, no matter how infrequently I see them, matters to me. 

Is there a way to talk to them, and to other people with whom I disagree without it causing a permanent rift in our connection? Is there a way to share what I know to be true? 

I listened to a musician a little while ago who said that in today's society we do not have a place where the young and the old come together. He asked "How can we think about the future if we don't know the past and how do we talk about the past without an eye to the future?" The wise elders in my family are gone. I'm now part of the oldest generation in my family but I'm not sure what wisdom I have to share except to say that my cousins and I have a connection to a shared past and- as Canadians and global citizens- a shared future. How can we move forward if we can't talk about what we believe? How do we work together to map out the best possible future for our descendants to share?  

I don't talk to my cousins about politics but I hope that conversation can begin. That we can come to a place where we can talk about our truths with love and understanding. Because it is only at the intersection of love and truth that there will be hope.

Meaning of Life, Meaning in Death

Why am I alive? What is the purpose of my existence?

Decades ago I had a boyfriend that I broke up with. He became suicidal, calling me relentlessly. He said he’d always thought he was a worthless person and my leaving him just confirmed that. He had no reason to live now he knew he was unlovable. Friends tried to help. He sought counselling, His therapist said only he could give himself meaning in his life. He said she was useless.

A few years later my husband and I worked in the far north. There had been something like 10 suicides of young men in the past year-in a town of 450 people. Suicide is rampant in indigenous communities. There are many reasons, but many people just feel lost. They feel their lives are meaningless.

A family member went through this same existential angst as a young man. He became obsessed with dying. He kept asking what was the point of living? Why was he born? If we are all just going to die anyway, what is the point in being alive? What was the purpose of his life?  Why wouldn’t he just end everything? I could not answer him. Instead I said most of us don’t have an answer to that question. We work and take care of ourselves and our families and we just don’t think about it. Maybe meaning will come with time. When you have a job or a family. Or maybe you’ll just stop thinking about it. Or maybe it's a simple as the line from a movie I once saw- everyone needs three things in life: something to do, someone to love and something to look forward to.

Many of my friends are recently retired. They got a lot of meaning from their work. Now it’s gone. Others are experiencing the empty nest. Their kids gave them meaning. Now they are gone. Many find themselves with great emptiness in their lives with nothing to fill the sense of purpose that work and family provided.

Dr. Clay Routledge, a behavioural therapist, notes that suicide rates have risen by 25% in the U.S. since 1999. He suggests that we all search for meaning in our lives. Without it, people turn to substance abuse and become depressed and suicidal. He says as humans, we seek significance. “We want lives that matter.” We have lost the all-important sense of belonging in our detached societies and belonging gives us meaning.

What is the meaning of life? Some people find an answer to that question in religion. Their purpose is whatever they believe God’s purpose to be. For the rest of us, it’s harder. We go through the motions of living. We try to do good and not bad. e try to do the right thing. But if you are like me, that’s a question you sweep into the furthest recesses of your mind because you cannot answer it. Thinking about it drives you crazy.

Why am I thinking about the meaning of life?

Because last week a man killed himself on the steps of the legislature.

Why?

Did his life have meaning? Did his death?

The media has been largely silent. The government offered the overly simplistic “If you are struggling, talk to someone” line. Social media commentary was all “don’t politicize this tragedy”. Until The Star told his story. Ken Chan was a good man who served our nation in the military for 25 years. A helpful man. A wonderful husband and stepdad. Who knows what trauma led him to take his own life? Was it witnessing the horrors of war? Was it a loss of meaning? Whatever it was, he wanted meaning in his death. He sent emails asking that attention be paid to Medically Assisted Dying. He had known people who suffered from chronic disease and wanted to end their lives with dignity. Conscience rights were being debated in the parliament buildings behind him as he pulled the trigger. If he felt he had no purpose, no meaning in life, he sought meaning in his death.

We should honour that wish.

Radicalized Ideologue

I’m a retired Social Studies teacher, a third generation public school teacher who lives in a modest house in a modest neighbourhood in a modest town. I go on modest holidays in my modest trailer. I’ve been married to the same man for almost 35 years- together we raised three kids who went to public school and public university  and now live their own lives. I belong to a book club, pay my taxes, shovel my walk, clean up after my dogs, donate to charity and volunteer. 

I have never thought of myself as a radical.

In fact, I’m so normal, I bore myself.

And speaking of normal, our banker once told us that loans officers love to see teachers come in. Especially teachers married to other teachers. Why? Because they are so reliable. So predictable. So careful with their money. They never default on loans. 

Teachers tend to be conventional. One might even say that most teachers' careers are all about promoting and maintaining the status quo. Sure, we try to raise up those who are struggling or marginalized. But we are just raising them up far enough to enjoy the status quo themselves. We might try to change one kid's world but we aren't trying to change the whole world.

But now Alberta's teachers are being told we are radicalized ideologues who are trying to indoctrinate students.

Sure.

Yeah.

Ok.

If believing kids should be treated equitably makes me a radical; if trying to teach them to think for themselves makes me a radical; if believing society should be a place where everyone belongs makes me a radical; if teaching kids to care about the land makes me a radical; if getting kids to think about the trade offs between prosperity and environmental protection makes me a radical?

Then yes my friends. 

I am not normal.

I am radical as fuck. 

And I make no apologies for that.

Left and Right for Dummies

Liberal
Progressive
Socialist

Democratic Socialist
Left wing
Bleeding heart
white knight
Beta
Leftist
Libtard

Marxist
Cuck
Freeloader
Sponge
Leech
Feminazi
Social justice warrior
Democuck
Lieberal
Fiberal
Dipper
Politically Correct
Triggered
Taker

Welfare State

Nanny State
Homofascist

Hippy
Commie
Pinko
SociaLUST

They don't understand hard work
They're taxing us to death

They're ruining the economy

They're driving away investment

They are taking away our freedoms

They are driving us into debt

They're taking away parental rights

They're going to nationalize industry

They're coming after our guns

They're bringing in Sharia law

They're creating a society of people who are dependent on the state

Right wing
Conservative

Regressive

Social Conservative
Tory
Republican

Libertarian
Capitalist shill
Running dog of imperialism
anti-woman
anti-choice
backwards
oppressor
anti-science
climate change denier
anti-education
anti-youth
CONservative

Cancervative

Cuckservative
Nazi
Neonazi

incel
alt-right
inbred hillbilly
Racist
Sexist
Homophobe

Dinosaur
Transphobe
Zealot
Right-wing nut job

They have no compassion

They are controlled by industry

They let people fall through the cracks

They don't care about the future of the planet

They are stealing from the poor and giving to the rich

They want to go back to the old days where women and people of colour had no power

You're stupid

You're an ideologue

You're indoctrinating people with your political beliefs

You're an idiot

You don't understand

You're on the wrong side of history

So many insults and generalizations that polarize us.

Since the dawn of time, people have striven to make a world they want to live in. Today, Canadian society has evolved to the point that we the people decide what form of government we want. Although we can debate how much say individuals truly have, that form of government falls somewhere on a spectrum from left to right.

Keeping in mind that:

• Politics and economics are interconnected.
• Whatever your worldview, your beliefs about how a government should operate fit somewhere on a continuum or compass. 
• Political and economic systems vary from country to country and go by different names. Nations themselves can be more to the left or more to the right. 

Just what is the difference between right and left?

Values and Beliefs Our parents, families, friends and communities  encourage us to believe certain things about human nature, how society should be structured and what we want the future to look like. Our own experiences further helps us refine or redefine those ideas. Whether or not you have thought these things through, they influence your ideology. 

History In early political systems in the western world power-both political and economic-was concentrated in the hands of the few. Absolute power was held by one person or family, almost always led by a man, who obtained and held power through force with the support of the church. People were encouraged to think that was the natural order of things. Over time, people gained more education and economic power. They began to demand a say in how their world operated.

Status Quo or Change Generally those on the right prefer the status quo. If changes are to be made, they need to be made gradually. Some on the far right appeal to the glory of the past and want a return to the "good old days" while those on the left value progress towards more economic equality and social justice. 

The Common Good It can be argued that both right and left feel their political views will benefit the common good. The right think that if everyone worked in their self interest, everyone would succeed. Under this way of thinking, everyone would be self sufficient and we would not need many rules . They believe in a more limited government and that we do not need taxes to support social programmes like schools and health care. These services should be delivered by corporations with a profit motive or nonprofit organizations with selfless motivations. People should choose the services they want to use and pay for them accordingly. The left is more inclined to believe we should work together with a stronger government and higher levels of taxation which will fund programmes that benefit everyone.  Schools and hospitals should serve everyone equally regardless of their ability to pay. Those with chronic disease, kids with learning disabilities, the mentally ill, the homeless and the disadvantaged could be raised up through universal programmes delivered through government support.

An old friend used to say he hated ideologies because both right and left were an attempt to make up for human shortcomings and we should all just try to be better people so we wouldn't need ideologies. Or politics for that matter.  But as long as we are human, with all our differences and weaknesses, we need government. We need to consider how we want our world to work.

Name calling divides us. It gets us nowhere. Understanding each other's views might help.