Monday, 10 March 2014

Premier Redford: Please Accept My Application

March 10 2014

Office of the Premier
Room 307
Legislature Building 10800-97 Avenue
Edmonton, Alberta
T5K 2B6

RE: Application for the position of Official Letter Writer to Her Majesty Queen Alison Redford

Dear Ms Redford:

It is wonderful to see that the province of Alberta has seen fit to provide an additional budget for the Premier’s office to hire a letter writer.  A royal personage such as yourself must be absolutely inundated with mail! With all those important international royal duties and obligations, one must certainly not have the time to reply to one's loyal subjects! I know I have not received a reply to any letters I have sent your way and I am sure that must prey on your mind.

Therefore I am happy to offer my services for the stated amount of $300,000.00. For $300,000.00 I will compose replies to each and every item of correspondence you receive. For $300,000.00 I will craft a 100% made in Alberta product, written in longhand with the finest Alberta red ink, produced with petroleum by-products from the Alberta Oil Sands on clean, bright, high quality Peace River White Spruce softwood Kraft paper. For $300,000.00 I will employ as calligraphers the legion of skilled Slave Lake labourers who sit patiently every day in the highly successful Family Care Clinic piloted by Alberta Health Services, waiting to see one of the three doctors who serve the community’s 11,000 citizens.  For $300,00.00 your loyal subjects will be more than happy to assist you #BuildingAlberta with the diligence, care and compassion we have come to expect from your office.

Thank you for your consideration.

Your most humble servant
Nicola Ramsey

Stand Up Slave Lake