Welcome to the Panel of Foregone Conclusions

Dear Committee Members:

Greetings and welcome to the new panel on foregone conclusions!

In the interests of open government, designed to improve transparency and ensure better collaboration between government and citizens, the Alberta government is pleased to accept your participation in the upcoming [panel/review/roundtable/online survey/consultation/submission-based engagement] based on your [cronyism/neoliberal ideology/donations to the party/blind loyalty/unwavering devotion to the petrostate].

Thank you for providing your input in the area of [finance/education/healthcare/food services/policing/building construction/municipal governance/addictions/automobile insurance/fisheries/agriculture/energy/the arts/mental health/crime/the hours of the day/condo boards/employment standards and wages].

Recognizing that while Albertans pay the lowest taxes in Canada, they pay the most for public services while getting the worst results, and furthermore acknowledging that rules and regulations stand in the way of economic progress, and also reminding the world that Alberta is open for business, and by that we mean anything the public sector does, the private sector can do- if not better, then at least cheaper, and if not cheaper, most importantly for profit- and further accepting that Alberta has a spending problem, not a revenue problem, and reminding Albertans that the government has a mandate to save Alberta from the evils of socialism, we ask that you provide input into this initiative using your [specialized expertise/jurisdictional research/globally endorsed best practices/selected previous engagement feedback /clever writing skills/impeccable reputation] all completely devoid of any ideological interference on the part of the current government and the political party it represents.

Your participation will help inform potential changes to [legislation/policy/regulations/public sector/overall way of life for all citizens] that are expected to be introduced in the [spring/summer/fall/winter of 2020/at some unforeseeable date].

Talking points may include any of the following: 

• Albertans have told us that…
• We need to get rid of inefficiencies
• Motherhood statements
• References to the Alberta Advantage
• Glorification of our energy based economy
• Eliminating waste will lead to a reduction of our already absurdly high taxes
• We don’t need more stinking rules
• Reducing red tape will encourage investment
• Propose something something that already exists but state it in such a way that it sounds like a new idea
• Turn one group against another
• Say the government is really NOT going to do something it has never done anyway
• Remind people the previous government created unsustainable debt that will cripple the lives of their grandchildren so now we can’t afford government services
• State that the actions of the previous government were ideologically based. Whatever the panel recommends isn’t.
• Something something foreign funded European environmentalists

Recommendations

• Include in your final report a couple of unpopular suggestions that we will immediately admit are great but promise not to implement which will soften people up when you…
• Further propose a whole bunch of stuff that changes the fundamental nature of the province including…
• Passing responsibility for the impact of underfunding onto municipal government and elected and appointed boards
• So many reductions in public services that people will cry out for privatization
• And a lack of regulations so profound that it will be like we have no rules at all
• Then, just so the public knows we are still “listening”…
• Propose more public engagement in the form of [round table discussions held only in major cities to which only selected people are invited/online surveys that are worded to provide the results that further our agenda/ask people to submit online feedback to which we won’t respond]

We look forward to working with you in this important initiative that will restore confidence in Alberta’s economy and make life better for (some) Albertans and thank you once again for your service to the people of the great province of Alberta.

Sincerely,

The Government of Alberta

P.S. You do not have to pretend you are listening to all Albertans, that is our job.

cc.

1.     Curriculum Advisory Panel
2.     Auto insurance reform
3.     Skills for jobs task force
4.     Blue Ribbon Panel on Alberta’s Finances
5.     Minimum wage expert panel
6.     Vision for student learning engagement
7.     Choice in Education
8.     Photo Radar in Alberta
9.      Fair Deal Panel
10.   AHS Advisory Review
11.  Glenora Building-Former Royal Alberta Museum
12.  Mental Health Act Engagement
13.   Red Tape Reduction Panel
14.  Tobacco and smoking reduction review
15.  City Charter Engagement
16.  Food regulation engagement
17.  Condominium rules consultation
18.  Mental health and addictions
19.  Fisheries engagement
20.  Alberta Energy Review
21.  Arts Professions Act Engagement
22.  Daylight saving time engagement
23.  Employment standards engagement
24.  Farmer led research engagement
25.  Road testing engagement
26.  Rural crime engagement