March 11

How do we measure our lives?

Lives, measured in numbers.

Your bank balance

Your height and weight

The price at the pump

Your phone number

The amount on your paycheque

The number on your tax bill

Your social insurance number

Your pension

And a number 

A number you track as it goes up and up and up 

Until it's too big and you stop paying attention

Because it is so much easier just to pretend 

Lives, made up of people. 

People you know and love

People you have met

"Friends" on Facebook

"Followers" on Twitter

People who "like" your Instagram photos

People who hire you and fire you

People you work with and people you work for

People who lead and people who follow

People who are there when you need them even if you don't know who they are

People you will never meet

Millions upon millions of people

People you chose to help

And those you turned your back on

Lives, made up of time.

Seconds and minutes and hours and days and weeks and months and years

Moments of clarity

Minutes of indescribable joy 

Hours of contentment

Hours of despair

The day you met the love of your life

The day you met your dog for the first time

The day your child was born

The day your dad died 

The day your town burned to the ground

The day a pandemic was declared

Months of waiting

Waiting for summer

Waiting for Christmas 

Waiting to meet the "one"

Waiting to buy a house

Waiting to sell a house

Waiting to start your career and then waiting for it to end

Waiting for it all to go back to normal. 

Whatever "normal" means.

And years.

So many years

Years of childhood

Years of raising children

Years of figuring it out and you never really do

Years when you did your part,

Day after day, hour after hour, minute after minute

And then

A second

A second when you made a choice

The second you decided not to care.

Be Still and Listen

The philosopher Pascal once said, "All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone."

Pascal was writing from 16th century France. I doubt he was thinking about a pandemic when he wrote those words. But since the advent of COVID-19, his words resonate. 

Awhile ago my husband and I watched the Superbowl, alone in our basement. A far cry from every other year where we have joined a small group of friends to feast and laugh and sometimes watch football. Before the game started, U.S. President Joe Biden called for a moment of silence in memory of the over 440,000 Americans who lost their lives due to covid-a number that stands at 576,000 today.  Here in Canada, our numbers have been better but with over 24,000 deaths at the end of April and rising every day, we have nothing to brag about.

It's no secret that the virus is spread through social contact and governments around the world have instituted restrictions to control its escalation. Yet it continues to spread. In my own little valley our numbers were pretty good for weeks and weeks. And then our 2 cases a week became 14 and then 24 and then 46. My son lives alone in Calgary. Last week parts of the city had 753 active cases per 100,000. How is this happening?

We are social beings. It goes against our nature to be alone. Being alone is hard.

A  2014 study found that people would rather give themselves electroshocks than be alone with nothing but their thoughts for 6 minutes. Perhaps it is that inability to be alone with their thoughts that drives people to events such as the "No More Lockdown" Rodeo Rally recently held in Central Alberta. In today's world, some people will risk giving themselves and others a potentially fatal disease rather than spend time alone.

You might say Pascal's words are truer today than at any time in history, but how alone are we, really?

Today we can still connect with others via technology. We met our Superbowl friends for a little bit of the game. We couldn't share food, but we had a few laughs and there was even a little football talk. Every Sunday, we play D&D on Zoom with our kids who live far away. My husband meets monthly with old friends. I have reconnected with a group of university friends on What's App. Not a day goes by that we don't converse about topics ranging from how to get gummy stickers off glass to religion. My friend Heather started an online cooking class. Another friend started a Facebook group called the Covid Collective Isolation Fun Time Group. In some ways, I feel more connected today than pre-pandemic.

That being said, the pandemic has forced us to be by ourselves for hours at at time. Being by yourself gives you time to consider your life. 

Is it what you want it to be? 

When you can't rush around socializing and doing this and that, what do you DO? 

That empty space may encourage us to re-evaluate our priorities.

Perhaps that re-evaluating accounts for much of what I see around me. I see people making major changes in their lives, as my husband and I have done. I see people changing jobs. I see people slowing down. I see parents-especially fathers-doing more things outside with their kids. I see people moving to communities that represent more of what they value in their day to day lives. I see huge numbers of people exercising, camping, boating and visiting our Canadian parks. My daughter figures it would be easier to get crack than a puppy. I see people taking up new hobbies, cooking better, reading more. 

A grade eight teacher asked her students to describe the impact of the pandemic. Many wrote about the positives of being unscheduled which allowed them to discover their creativity. They experienced a kind of power in learning how to be alone. For many of us, time and solitude has allowed us to prioritize what matters and live with intention instead of just riding out the storm. 

The pandemic has changed the world. But like all personal tragedies, it forces us to think and act differently. Perhaps the thought of our own possible impending doom "concentrates the mind wonderfully", as Samuel Johnson once said.