Meaning of Life, Meaning in Death

Why am I alive? What is the purpose of my existence?

Decades ago I had a boyfriend that I broke up with. He became suicidal, calling me relentlessly. He said he’d always thought he was a worthless person and my leaving him just confirmed that. He had no reason to live now he knew he was unlovable. Friends tried to help. He sought counselling, His therapist said only he could give himself meaning in his life. He said she was useless.

A few years later my husband and I worked in the far north. There had been something like 10 suicides of young men in the past year-in a town of 450 people. Suicide is rampant in indigenous communities. There are many reasons, but many people just feel lost. They feel their lives are meaningless.

A family member went through this same existential angst as a young man. He became obsessed with dying. He kept asking what was the point of living? Why was he born? If we are all just going to die anyway, what is the point in being alive? What was the purpose of his life?  Why wouldn’t he just end everything? I could not answer him. Instead I said most of us don’t have an answer to that question. We work and take care of ourselves and our families and we just don’t think about it. Maybe meaning will come with time. When you have a job or a family. Or maybe you’ll just stop thinking about it. Or maybe it's a simple as the line from a movie I once saw- everyone needs three things in life: something to do, someone to love and something to look forward to.

Many of my friends are recently retired. They got a lot of meaning from their work. Now it’s gone. Others are experiencing the empty nest. Their kids gave them meaning. Now they are gone. Many find themselves with great emptiness in their lives with nothing to fill the sense of purpose that work and family provided.

Dr. Clay Routledge, a behavioural therapist, notes that suicide rates have risen by 25% in the U.S. since 1999. He suggests that we all search for meaning in our lives. Without it, people turn to substance abuse and become depressed and suicidal. He says as humans, we seek significance. “We want lives that matter.” We have lost the all-important sense of belonging in our detached societies and belonging gives us meaning.

What is the meaning of life? Some people find an answer to that question in religion. Their purpose is whatever they believe God’s purpose to be. For the rest of us, it’s harder. We go through the motions of living. We try to do good and not bad. e try to do the right thing. But if you are like me, that’s a question you sweep into the furthest recesses of your mind because you cannot answer it. Thinking about it drives you crazy.

Why am I thinking about the meaning of life?

Because last week a man killed himself on the steps of the legislature.

Why?

Did his life have meaning? Did his death?

The media has been largely silent. The government offered the overly simplistic “If you are struggling, talk to someone” line. Social media commentary was all “don’t politicize this tragedy”. Until The Star told his story. Ken Chan was a good man who served our nation in the military for 25 years. A helpful man. A wonderful husband and stepdad. Who knows what trauma led him to take his own life? Was it witnessing the horrors of war? Was it a loss of meaning? Whatever it was, he wanted meaning in his death. He sent emails asking that attention be paid to Medically Assisted Dying. He had known people who suffered from chronic disease and wanted to end their lives with dignity. Conscience rights were being debated in the parliament buildings behind him as he pulled the trigger. If he felt he had no purpose, no meaning in life, he sought meaning in his death.

We should honour that wish.